2025: The Year of Horizontal-ing
Because sitting upright is overrated
Happy New Year! I don’t know about you, but I’m still in holiday break mode pretending 2025 doesn’t officially start until Monday. (Time’s a social construct, right?) Jen and I owe you a December wrap-up post, which we’ll get on this weekend. Until then, let’s dive into some New Year’s chatter — resolutions, big sofas, feral dogs, and Substack goals!
Resolutions: A Work in Progress
This year, The New York Times suggested shifting from self-focused resolutions to outward-focused ones — a concept I love. That said, I still signed up for the “100 Days of Peloton” challenge because, honestly, my personal kindness starts with not getting winded on a flight of stairs. I may have lost 58 pounds last year, but I was way more fit when I was fatter. Time to get that muscle back!
To keep myself motivated, I’ve been clinging to a quote I saw on Instagram: “Hard work makes everything easier.” So, I climbed back on that bike and have completed two classes so far. I landed in the bottom 15% of riders, but that just means there’s plenty of room for improvement!
Sofas and the Art of “Horizontal-ing”
Speaking of movement (or the lack thereof), I just ordered a gigantic sofa for my patio. In case you don’t know, I LOVE BEING HORIZONTAL. I find it deeply unsettling when people sit upright to watch TV or read. I live my best life when I’m sprawled out like a starfish.
After extensive research (measuring my patio 27 times and texting everyone I know for validation), I found the sofa. It’s 94 inches long, 34 inches deep, and perfect for sprawling, napping, or scrolling Instagram while pretending to be productive.
I was worried it might be a little too big, but then I decided I didn’t care — because my comfort and, more importantly, my ability to “horizontal” (yes, it’s a verb now) are top priorities. So, I bought it. Naturally, I’m having buyer’s remorse today, as I do every time I buy something I don’t technically need. (Does that feeling ever go away?)
In my defense, I tried to find a used one, but they were all trash. I even went to IKEA, but their sofas were too small and shallow. THIS BIG SOFA IS THE SOFA I WANT. It’s the only sofa worthy of my horizontal-ing. So here we are. My patio is about to become a shrine to lounging, and I regret nothing.
Mary’s Revenge
Unfortunately, not all lounging is safe. Mary’s long nails have officially turned her into a feral paw demon. Yesterday, while we were snuggling on the couch, she pawed at my face in a playful manner, and one of her dagger-like nails got stuck in my nostril. MY NOSTRIL.
Yes, it hurt. Yes, it bled. And no, I’m not over it.
As Mary’s gotten older, she’s become super sensitive about her paws and doesn’t like when people touch them. The last time I took her to get groomed, she came home with longer nails, which made me think the groomers struggled trimming them too. So I bought a hammock contraption I saw on the internet that I thought would make doing her nails easier. The idea is she’d be securely suspended, unable to move, and I’d breeze through the trimming…
But no. Absolutely not. She was not having it.
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