I’m visiting my parents in Illinois right now and I’m writing this from a classic car show. My stepdad has a 1955 Buick and he likes to come to these things. Not to brag, but his car has won all sorts of awards, even if it is slightly scary to ride in.
We parked next to Phyllis and Vern, who have a Ford Fairlane Crown Victoria. They left early to go line dancing, so I asked my mom to take a photo of me doing sexy poses in front of my stepdad’s car. Here it is:
I planned my visit to coincide with our friend Gina’s wedding this past weekend, which was lovely — until I got locked in the garage at my parents’ house at 2 AM. Jen and I each got a hotel room in the city but decided to take a car home that night because she couldn’t find a dog sitter and I was worried about my parents watching Mary (which sounds like it was warranted after hearing she ate pork chops for dinner). My stepdad gave me the garage door opener and said he’d leave the door to the house unlocked for me, but my mom constantly goes around and makes sure all the doors are locked, so she locked it after he unlocked it.
So Jen dropped me off just before 2 AM and I tried to get inside and couldn’t. Then I went to the front door, thinking maybe they left that unlocked for me, but they didn’t. Then I went back into the garage and knocked on the door for a while, but no one answered. Then I called and no one answered. So there I was, standing alone in the garage in the middle of the night, three sheets to the wind with a perfectly good hotel room in the city. At this point I decided the best thing for me to do was to sleep in the car, so just as I was making a bed in the backseat, I heard water running like someone had flushed the toilet, called once more, and voila! My stepdad answered and let me in.
Here is my “How It Started” and “How It’s Going” video from that night:
Anyway. This past week has been a real hoot. In addition to getting locked out and Mary almost murdering a fake puppy, here are some fun things I’ve heard:
On Mary:
Who knew she’d love tacos so much?!
Her face might be a little syrupy from the pancakes.
Don’t worry, she had pork chops for dinner.
What do you mean she can’t eat grapes?
She only likes crackers when you dip them in beef soup.
I’m not sure who did it, but someone pooped in the hallway.
They love this dog and she clearly loves them. She only weighs six pounds but will leave here weighing seven. Maybe eight.
On Food:
You can’t beat these pot pies from Costco!
Yes, you can make dinner, but nothing with a lot of ingredients.
Almond milk? Must be a California thing.
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