And we’re back, recapping Love Has Won: The Cult of Mother God. In case you missed Part 1, you can read it here. The series is only three episodes long and these people are so exhausting that we’re recapping episodes 2 and 3 in this one post. We’re culted out.
Hey! Jen here, too. I’m actually more interested in these people now, as I paid better attention to the second episode. I took abbreviated notes, although it was a couple of days ago and I’m not sure what they mean now. My first is, “Pizza eating—want to punch more.” I guess we’ll all see what this means shortly.
Last week we learned that a woman named Amy started calling herself Mother God. All of her boyfriends become Father God. Everyone in the cult is shitfaced 24/7 and they talk to dead celebrities. The first episode ended with us meeting a man who will become the final Father God, because Mother God is going to die soon.
At the beginning of episode 2, “Father of All Creation” scarfs down a slice of pizza at a motel, just how I imagine Jesus did back in the day.
Ah, now I remember. One would think the Father of All Creation would have better table manners, or at least have manifested himself a napkin, yet here we are. Also, he appears to be allergic to wearing a shirt.
He also gets high and dances to music that isn’t there. His name is Jason and he’s wearing an ankle bracelet. He seems batshit crazy. Jason’s last job was running a Blockbuster in Vegas, but then he found Mother God online and went to Mount Shasta. He’s career criminal with a rap sheet. He gives murderer vibes.
He says he made $9/hour at Blockbuster and that was some bullshit. How much does the Father of All Creation make?
So now we’re back at the cult and everyone is wrecked. When Jason arrives, he says Mother God was sitting straight up and directing creation! Can you imagine? It was magnificent! One day he fixed a lamp, and she told him he was brilliant. It was the first time anyone ever said that to Jason, which should come as a surprise to no one.
Once Jason became Father God, everyone says he went crazy. When Mother God passes out, he head bangs to heavy metal and tells everyone what to do. Everyone tries to tell Mother he isn’t Father God, but she won’t listen.
Fletch does the same when he vacuums. I don’t tell him to turn it down because he’s voluntarily vacuuming. Sometimes, you pick your battles.
Mother God’s sister Tara is back and says Mother God got pregnant at 19 and had a baby. Yes, you read that right. MOTHER GOD HAS REAL CHILDREN. Three to be exact, by three different men. Her mom Linda says they were out to dinner one night when Amy got up and left. They got home and all her stuff was gone. She just up and left, abandoning her kids.
If you want to be Mother God, maybe start with mothering your own kids?
Now we’re back at the cult, and Amy is shit faced. She is so clearly a raging alcoholic. El Moyra says Father God leaves on the weekends to do meth. Mother doesn’t like it and they fight about it.
You guys, I’m not worried about myself joining a cult anymore. At least not this cult. This place is total chaos.
You would be in a way better cult, like Scientology. They go nice places and wear nice things. This cult is not nearly chic enough.
Jason eventually beat meth, which we know because he writes a note that said, “Father chose love over meth!” I’m pretty sure this is the exactly what happened in the Bible when Jesus beat meth too. He and Amy get married and everything goes great until their house burns down. In case you’re thinking ole meth head Jason did it, you’d be wrong. Stupid Faith started a brush fire while burning sage. As everyone runs out of the house, Hope makes sure to grab mom’s vodka and some ice. And then everyone just hops in a boat and zooms away on a lake.
DON’T EVER RENT YOUR HOUSE TO HIPPIES.
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