New York’s Hottest Club Is This Substack
Stefon visits regularly, you should too!
Good morning! It’s been a while since we've updated you about what’s happening here, so let’s get down to business!
The Business
Since the last time we chatted, we’ve been flipping between the #10 and #11 spot on Substack’s Humor leaderboard. Not that we’ve been obsessing over it or anything (we have), but 8 of the 10 Substacks ahead of us are from men. We love men (Jen’s married to one, after all), but we hope you’ll consider becoming a paid subscriber today so we can say “fuck you” to the patriarchy. They’ve taken so much away from us this past year — help us claim the #10 spot once and for all by sharing this Substack with your friends!
If you’re a free subscriber, please consider upgrading to paid for $5 a month or $50 a year. Doing so will get you access to videos, vintage posts from our old blogs (with new commentary), weekly threads, and the ability to comment.
We’d also like to remind you that becoming a founding member gets you an invite to join our Friday Night Zoom Crew for an unforgettable evening of fun! We have theme nights, play games, gossip, bitch, HAVE COCKTAILS, and so much more.
Thank you for reading — now, on to some highlights!
Some Highlights
First off, Jen wrote a book in 34 days. THIRTY FOUR DAYS. Promptly after finishing, she got into an argument with her HOA and it was glorious.
(Can we just say that Jen at war with anyone is an absolute delight? I mean, hell hath no fury like Jen Lancaster scorned. She should start a business fighting other people’s fights, and then we can make a TV show about it. It could be like Scandal, where she sticks it to other people’s nemeses every episode while also fucking the president. [Sorry, Fletch, it’s fiction.] Move over Olivia Pope.)
Okay, back to the real world. Here are some more highlights:
Karyn needs Botox but is nervous to get some, because the last time she did so she ended up at urgent care. You can read more about it in My Botox Overdose.
Jen got mad at people in:
Putting the HO in HOA (as mentioned above, a must-read)
Karyn revealed a 17-year-old grudge in:
…and the person responded (spoiler: it was Jen) in And That’s Why I Love You
Jen made Gina’s upcoming wedding about herself (Gina’s cool with it) in:
Karyn shared an intimate moment with her foot doctor, considered having sex with a magician, and stopped taking Adderall, which you can read more about in:
Fletch *might* have bought ladies’ sandals (he did) in:
Jen introduced Euro Fletch™ and her disdain for the DMV in Tales from a Selective Procrastinator
Karyn got inspirational in some posts and is now considering becoming a preacher. If you need some feels and inspo, check out:
And we’ve taken a few trips down memory lane with these nostalgic threads:
Introducing Refer a Friend
Before we go, we’d like to tell you about Substack’s new referral bonuses! If you invite friends to subscribe to “It’s Always Something,” you can receive access to read it for free!
Get a 1 month comp for 3 referrals
Get a 3 month comp for 5 referrals
Get a 6 month comp for 25 referrals
You get a comp! And you get a comp!
All you have to do is use the referral link below to share “It's Always Something” with your friends. When you do, you'll get credit for any new subscribers who sign up through your link. (Note: You can also get credit by using the “Share This Post” link at the bottom of any post.) Simply send it in a text, email, or share it on social media with friends.
Once again, thank you to all our subscribers — both free and paid!
Also, happy 50th birthday Jen!
Karyn, this recap is EVERYTHING.
Subscribing was one of about three good decisions I’ve ever made. This Substack GIVES ME LIFE. You are both so freaking funny and we need your humor more than ever in this shitshow of humanity. Why are there so many dumbasses?