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We haven’t given any advice in a while, but when we saw this timely entry on MarketWatch’s The Moneyist column this morning, we knew the chance had come again because we are all about love around here, especially on Valentine’s Day.
First, here’s the letter:
Dear Quentin,
I’m 35 and work in IT and get paid a healthy six-figure salary ($140,000 a year). I live in Chicago, and date a lot. Over the years, I’ve been on Tinder, Match, OkCupid and Bumble, and when I tell you I’ve had a lot of dates, I’ve had a lot. Maybe 40 or more in the last couple of years, although they’ve not all been for dinner. I recently had dinner at a Mexican restaurant called Mi Tocaya Antojería, one of my favorites.
Our total bill came to around $190—we drank cocktails and a lot of wine—so I offered to pay the check. My companion, a 30-year-old PR representative, insisted on paying. In fact, she slipped the waiter her credit card on her way to the restroom. We’re probably making the same amount of money, given her lifestyle (she spent a week in Mauritius in January), but I feel like I should pay given that I chose the restaurant, and it was our first date.
Is it emasculating if I allow a woman to pick up the dinner check? I felt humiliated, honestly. We got along well enough for a second date, even though I would describe her as quite a Type A personality. There’s confident, super-confident and then there’s this woman. That’s an attractive quality, but as my father would say, “Everything in moderation,” and, “You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.”
A man should pay, at least on the first date. Am I wrong?
Still Single
BTW, Quentin Fottrell is the Moneyist advice columnist. The questions Quentin normally gets are more like, “I have twelve squillion dollars in my 401K, a plutonium mine, six homes that are all paid for, and my pension would pay me six sacks of rubies each month. Do you think it’s okay for me to retire now at age 74, or shall I just die at my desk?” so this was a fun twist.
Here’s Jen’s take:
I always like what Quentin has to say because his advice is smart and rooted in good investing principles. He believes in work/life balance and unlike most advice columnists, I never find myself screaming, “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” after I read what he has to say. (Which is no fun for me.) His advice to this particular poster was wise and kind. He nicely advised Still Single that he was likely bothered because this challenges old societal norms and her paying was generous, hard stop.
There’s a variety of reasons I am not a financial advice columnist, and the biggest one is I believe advice columnists should be legally allowed to slap people who ask them stupid questions.
Anyway, here’s my response:
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