The Pickle Scandal That's Rocked the Nation

Grillo's Pickles vs. Wahlburgers

You’ll never believe what’s going on in the world of pickles. First, I love pickles. Who doesn’t? And since I’m on Weight Watchers, I eat them all the time. The first pickle I ever really fell in love with was McClure’s.

I lived in Brooklyn at the time and even took a pickle-making class from Bob McClure himself.

Actual photos from my pickle class in 2010 that I took with my friend Sarah. Fun fact: I met Sarah through Jen. (Jen is a real people connector.)

After this I became obsessed with something called a “new pickle” at my local Brooklyn grocery store, Union Market. They were in big barrels and I’d walk 1/2 mile every day just to get one. (Pickle fact: New pickles are fermented in salt brine, not vinegar.)

Actual photo of new pickles at Union Market in 2010! (I take photos everywhere I go and I’m very organized so it was easy to find.)

Now I’m obsessed with Wahlburgers pickles — or I should say I was. I got them at my favorite grocery store, the Gelson’s. (It’s actually just ‘Gelson’s,’ but I like to call it ‘the Gelson’s.’) I get the spears and they’re super crunchy and delicious. I go through a tub or two a week.

But my friend Anthony has been telling me not to buy Wahlburgers pickles because Mark Wahlberg is a terrible person. So while looking for a pickle replacement, I discovered Grillo’s.

Grillo’s pickles look exactly like Wahlburgers, so I thought I’d enjoy them too. I found them at a new grocery store in my neighborhood called Lazy Acres. Lazy Acres opened 1/2 mile down the street from Gelson’s and everyone is talking about it. Since I’m a loyal Gelson’s customer, I’ve been putting off going. But since they carry these Grillo’s pickles, I decided to give them a try. (It was amazing.)

With both brands in hand, I did a taste test on my Instagram stories this past Tuesday. Both pickles had the same wonderful crunch, but Grillo’s were a little bit dillier — which I love. I was sold. Grillo’s were a perfect replacement for Marky Mark’s pickle.

Five minutes after posting my taste test, Anthony sent me a message. Apparently, Grillo’s is suing Wahlburgers for stealing their 100-year-old pickle recipe, copying their packaging, and undercutting them by $2 at the grocery store. Not only that but the scientists that Grillo’s hired to test Wahlburgers’ recipe discovered that Wahlburgers have a chemical preservative in them even though they’re labeled “fresh” and “all natural.” To make it worse, Grillo’s is a Boston-based company too. So Boston boys stole from other Boston boys. What the wicked fuck.

You and your funky bunch can suck it.

So what started as a simple pickle break on a busy work day had now completely consumed me. (Hello, ADD.) And I was angry. Here I was thinking Grillo’s were like Wahlburgers, but it was Wahlburgers who ripped off Grillo’s. I felt duped. And you want to know by who? My favorite grocery store, the Gelson’s.