This Smart Toilet Has FaceID for Your Bum

I'm not sure if it's real, but I want one.

Last week I read an article about a smart toilet and I couldn’t tell if it was real or not. The title was, “‘Smart Toilet’ That Takes Anal Prints Wins Ig Nobel Prize.”

Apparently this smart toilet provides insight into your health by analyzing your poop, testing your pee, and taking a picture of your butthole which they call an “analprint.”

The article said:

“The idea for an analprint, in particular, came from Salvador Dalí, who discovered that ‘the anus has 35 or 37 creases, which are as unique as fingerprints,’ Park wrote in a blog post. The attachable prototype device uses a Raspberry Pi paired with a camera to capture each person’s unique analprint as they sit down to use the toilet.”

So clearly I was like, What kind of toilet snaps a pic of your exit hole?! And more importantly, What can a pic of my rosebud tell me?!

(I’m trying to find other ways to say butthole, you guys.)

When it comes to sussing out bullshit on the internet, I like to think I’m pretty good. When my dad calls and says, “Honey, I won money from a contest I don’t remember entering and the only thing I have to do is send $200 to a man so he can overnight a check to me,” I say, “DAD, NO YOU DIDN’T.” I know when something is real or not.