I’ve taken Adderall for the past 17 years. Not recreationally — I actually have ADHD. I’m the classic case of the undiagnosed kid. I never listened to directions in school, handed in assignments late, and talked non-stop during class. In high school it was normal to see my name on the board in Ms. Paddock’s math class with “ooo” next to it, which stood for “out of order.” I was always out of order.
My teachers put up with it, of course, because I’m a likable person. Sure I yelled out in class, but I usually said something funny or cracked a joke, so it was tolerated. (Noted, but tolerated.)
Now that I’m an adult, ADHD manifests itself in two main ways. For one, I’m impulsive. I pick up (and drop) new hobbies weekly, love a spontaneous outing, and the shopping… oh, the shopping. I have well-documented issues with impulsive spending. (Hello, Save Karyn.) Second, I get overwhelmed and freeze when I have a lot to do. Like, I can’t do anything; my mind just spins. I fall behind in work and paying bills, eventually feeling so defeated that I break down and cry.
I remember the first time I experienced the magic of ADHD drugs. It was 2006 and I was at a friend’s house in LA writing 20 Times a Lady when someone gave me a diet pill called Phentermine. (Side note: I’ve tried every diet fad known to man, including taking Hollywood favorite Ozempic, which I’ll write about soon.) Within minutes of swallowing the little white and blue pill, my whole world came into focus. It was like a light went on inside my brain. I was able to sit and work for hours with complete concentration. I had never experienced anything like it.
When I returned to New York, I told a friend about my experience and she said, “That’s because you have ADHD. Phentermine is speed, just like ADHD drugs. They speed up the inactive part of your brain.” Of course I had heard people say I had ADHD before, but I never considered taking drugs to fix it. So I made an appointment with a psychiatrist on the Upper East Side, told her about my history, and left with a prescription to Ritalin.
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