Okay, confession time — I wasn't exactly thrilled to tackle this recap after such a shitty week. But five minutes in, I found myself grinning like an idiot. This episode was exactly the heartwarming, feel-good show I needed!
The show kicks off with Precious Charles strolling into an empty studio and declaring it’s The Men Tell All special. Then, we hear cheering from an excited studio audience as Jesse introduces all the guys on stage. Charles gets the biggest applause of them all.
Charles has clearly purchased himself a bottle of Just for Men hair color as he’s a lot less silver now. (I’m not mad.)
When they introduce everyone, I notice that Gil wasn’t invited. Delighted to see everyone and love that Freakin’ Jack is still working the pink jacket.
A recap reel kicks in of this season's greatest hits — awkward dance moves, snoring, a semi-disastrous kickball game, and more. By the end, the whole cast is tearing up at the bromances they’ve formed, and I’m crying too. Then Jesse drops a bomb that the audience is packed with their kids. More tears.
The audience went crazy cheering on every guy as they’re introduced, including Pascal. I don’t think anyone could stay angry with him. I’m definitely not mad. But as I watch this, I can’t help feeling like I haven’t seen this show for months and months, and not just a week and a half ago. Now I have an entirely different definition of rage. We’ve lived a whole lot of lifetimes since we saw this last.
The first topic is the bunkbeds. Prune Juice kicks it off, grumbling about how they had to keep the door open at night because the smells were so intense. Then Pascal spills the tea on Gregg, aka Mr. Roarke/Colonel Sanders, whose snoring was so epic the walls were vibrating. The good news is that Gregg is finally going to take care of his sleep apnea!
This legit is probably saving his life. Well done, Bachelor Nation.
Next up is the infamous Chippendale’s dance. Naturally, all eyes go to Jonathan, who blushes and insists he’s never done it…professionally.
Girl Dad Keith’s daughters are in the audience, and they’re just happy their dad didn’t take his shirt off.
Girl Dad’s girls are very cute. I’d wager big money on him being a great dad.
Then Jesse gets to someone I barely remember (Michael), who says he was diagnosed with cancer right before getting the call to be on the show. He was going to cancel, but his kids convinced him to go. He’s going to be okay, but he’s happy to have had this experience during what would have otherwise been a shit year.
He looks healthier than he did on the show. But this better be the only potentially sad thing we see because I am still delicate. (I spent an hour watching CNN right before this as the Worst Cabinet to Ever Exist™ is being named and I’m regretting having seen it.) Also, is the show Grotesquerie worth seeing? I meant to watch it but life be life-ing.
Then they treat us to some never-before-seen clips of Charles and Freakin' Jack wandering around the mansion. It's pure magic. Honestly, I could watch Charles do anything with anyone and be entertained for days. (Remember when he went shopping with Groovy Gary?)
I would 100% watch a show of the two of them wandering around luxury properties. Shit, I should talk to the luxury real estate marketing people I work with — they could actually make that happen!!
Now it’s time to dive into Burgergate, when Christopher (aka Prune Juice) made the controversial decision to put BBQ sauce on the burgers. Since Freakin’ Jack vocalized his displeasure at the time, they let him grill burgers his way on the WB lot, and then serve them to the audience. It’s so fun. I wish someone would bring me a burger right now.
What do we think here? BBQ sauce on burgers or not? It sounds kind of good, right? Not all the time, but sometimes. And if you add provolone and onion strings? Or pineapple? I’m not mad.
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